Something that I have
always shared with couples before they get married is that they must have a
‘Biblical vision for their marriage.’ In
this short blog I hope to share some helpful thoughts that will encourage and
strengthen you in your marriage. For those
of you who aren’t yet married let me share with you some powerful Christian ‘pick
up’ lines that I am sure will help you in the days to come;
o
“I know a church where we could
go and talk!”
o
“Want to come over and watch The Ten Commandments?”
o
“Do you believe in Divine appointments?”
o
“Excuse me; I believe you’ve got one of my ribs.”
o
“I don't see it, but some people think I look like Samson.”
o
“What's your name and number so I can add you to my
"prayer" list?”
o
“What do you think Paul meant when he said, ‘Greet one
another with a holy kiss.’?”
o
“Has anyone ever told you, ‘your eyes are like doves and
your hair is like a flock of goats’?”
o
“Before tonight I never believed in predestination.”
o
“Hi, my name's Will...God's Will.”
Now I know those are
pretty good so I encourage you to share them freely!
In order to have a
successful marriage we must know what it is and what it’s for. Some questions we should ask are - Why did
God create marriage? What purpose does it serve? How does it thrive?
I have been married to my
wife Brigit for over 11 years. Together we have 4 kids (blended) and we have
adopted a vision for our marriage that I did not understand as clearly when I
first said ‘I DO’. Also, I have the
privilege of pastoring many people and I get to officiate weddings where I am
able to share some of these thoughts as well;
- When God
created man (Adam) he said something quite interesting before he made a woman:
Genesis 2:18 - “Then the Lord God said,
"It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable
for him.”
Everything God made
was “good”, but the man being single was not good, so he made woman.
God’s answer to man’s
problem of singleness was a woman;
Genesis 2:20-25 - “The man gave names to all
the cattle, and to the birds of the sky, and to every beast of the field, but
for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him. So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall
upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the
flesh at that place. The Lord God
fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her
to the man. The man said, "This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my
flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man." For this reason a man shall leave his father
and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his
wife were both naked and were not ashamed.”
We see in our
creation that there is a deep longing for a man to be with a woman and a woman
to be with a man. The Biblical word for
this desire of coming together is “oneness” or “one flesh”. Actually, what we
see in the creation story is a woman who was made out of man and God’s design
is to bring them back together into oneness or completion.
Now, it should be
said and noted that there are some who will live single and God gives grace for
that.
Actually, Jesus reaffirms
the Biblical model for marriage by quoting the creation account that we just
read and at the same time he speaks to singleness as well;
Matthew 19:1-12 - “When Jesus had finished these words, He departed from Galilee and came into the region of Judea beyond the Jordan; and large crowds followed Him, and He healed them there. 3 Some Pharisees came to Jesus, testing Him and asking, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all?" 4 And He answered and said, "Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE, 5 and said, 'FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH'? 6 "So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate." 7 They *said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to GIVE HER A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE AND SEND her AWAY?" 8 He *said to them, "Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way. 9 "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery." 10 The disciples *said to Him, "If the relationship of the man with his wife is like this, it is better not to marry." 11 But He said to them, "Not all men can accept this statement, but only those to whom it has been given. 12 "For there are eunuchs who were born that way from their mother's womb; and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men; and there are also eunuchs who made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. He who is able to accept this, let him accept it."
It is noted that in this
culture, even among the religious minded law abiding Jews, divorce happened. They
are asking the wrong question as we are often asking the wrong question today. Jesus
speaks of marriage as two becoming one, so why do we speak of the one becoming
two? The disciples responded with who should get married.. And rightly so, this
is that serious of a thing!
GOD’S VISION FOR MARRIAGE IS ONENESS
Marriage is not about
making you happy it’s about making you holy.
This happens as the two become one!
The process of two
becoming one is two-fold. First, God
causes a married couple to be one in the spirit as they make a covenant to one
another. Second, that couple needs to
live in a way that stewards the new life they have together. No longer are they two, but as one new life
they must learn how to live in keeping with what God has done in the spirit.
This process can be a
lot like salvation. When you give your life to the Lord you are a new creation,
but you still have the flesh, which is also referenced as your old way of
thinking. Even though you have a new
life, you must learn to live in the new life that God has given by His
Spirit.
God wants us to work
toward oneness in marriage concerning all things. The funny thing is that we
are so different. Diversity is a God
thing. He wants us to learn how to
function together in love and unity in the midst of diversity. We fight to maintain individuality and that’s
where we go wrong.
Marriage is having
one mind and one heart with unity, harmony, and love because we are better together.
ONENESS MEANS BOTH PEOPLE ARE GIVERS
True oneness in a
marriage not only reveals God but it glorifies Him as well. In order for this to happen it is essential
that both the husband and the wife become givers!
There are only a few
scenarios in marriage;
o
A Taker and a Taker
(bad)
o
A Giver and a Taker
(bad – burnt out)
o
A Giver and a Giver
(this is where oneness can happen)
Look at what Paul
said the Corinthian Church;
Ephesians 5:22-33 - “22 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as
to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ
also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.
24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. 28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; 29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, 30 because we are members of His body. 31 FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND SHALL BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH.
32 This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.”
24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. 28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; 29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, 30 because we are members of His body. 31 FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND SHALL BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH.
32 This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.”
For a wife, being a
giver means she submits herself to her husband. She yields her life as unto the
Lord. For a husband, being a giver means he loves his wife and lays down his
life for her as Christ did for the Church. Notice how Paul mentions this idea
of oneness again in verse 31 as he discusses marriage and how it relates to
Christ and His Church. There is a
parallel that becomes our true model in marriage.
CONCLUSION
In my experience,
people who struggle in their marriage have somehow lost this vision; the vision
of ‘oneness’. This is God’s vision for
marriage where two become one. Two lives
merge and yield to a higher purpose, a higher goal – to glorify God.
What are some things
that you need to do in your marriage that will bring you together as one? How can you prepare yourself now for your
future spouse if you are not married?
I encourage you to
adopt this vision of oneness for your marriage or future marriage.
Ben Dixon
Director – Ignite Global
Ministries
